I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize