Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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