4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize