So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
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Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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