You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
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This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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