can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize