ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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