I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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