I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
two words...techno handjob
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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