If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
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we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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