I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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