I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize