Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
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I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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