I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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