sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize