If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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