this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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