Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize