So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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