Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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