the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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