Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even know how to be here
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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