It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
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i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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