I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize