Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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