I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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