Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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