are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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