i love accidental penises.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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