Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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