i permit you to call me
this boner is exhausting
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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