Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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