My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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