roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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