The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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