i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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