sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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