This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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