so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize