Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize