Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize