Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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