What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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