you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
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I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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