take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
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We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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