she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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