when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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