Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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