You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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