I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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